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Truth and Fiction Collide Again…


Stormont’s New Finance Minister…

Episode 2:

Sir Humphrey: You asked to see me Minister?

Minister (For it is he): Yes, Sir Humphrey, I’ve just come back from my press conference at the CBI, where I announced my new policy, and I have to say Sir Humphrey, – your press release has made me look an idiot!

Sir Humphrey: How so Minister?

Minister: How do you think I felt when the CBI started to snigger, after I announced that I was cutting Public Service Divisions by creating a new Public Service Division? I even heard one of the dignitaries mutter, “Truth is stranger than fiction.” I was embarrassed, Sir Humphrey, and I looked like a fool.

Sir Humphrey: Indeed so, Minister.

Minister: So, from now on, I will not make any policy announcement without consulting my SPAD first.

Sir Humphrey: Yes Minister, an excellent idea.

Minister: Come to think of it, Sir Humphrey, where is my SPAD? I haven’t seen him since I was appointed on Monday.

Sir Humphrey: Your Special Advisor has had to be quarantined, Minister, until the Commissioner for Parliamentary Standards is satisfied that he doesn’t fall foul of Jim Allister’s SPAD Bill. I am however glad to report that his assessment has been completed and that he has now been installed in his new office.

Minister: Excellent work, Sir Humphrey. I’ll just walk down to his office now and arrange a policy planning meeting.

Sir Humphrey: Yes, Minister, although that may be just a trifle exhausting. We found your SPAD a beautiful new office in a little used government building overlooking the Foyle. Beautiful views.

Minister: The Foyle? Isn’t that in Londonderry? I need him here.

Sir Humphrey: Indeed Minister, although we must refer to it as Derry/Londonderry, but in line with the directions issued by OFMDFM, we are to ensure that government appointments are equally spread across the province, and to secure your SPAD an office commensurate with his status, the Foyle office is the most suitable. Unfortunately, as yet there are no phones or internet access in the new building, due to your cutbacks, but look on the bright side, Minister, – at least he wont be able to ring party members and councillors and get you into trouble with Spotlight.

Minister: But if the Special Advisor is eighty miles away, I won’t have proper access to his special advice!

Sir Humphrey: Yes Minister.

From → Editorial

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