Practical Help for Husbands

Text: Ephesians 5:28ff 

Paul goes a step further in his teaching on marriage. Not only must a man love his wife, as Christ loved the church, but he must love her as much as he loves himself.  Your wife, (your husband is MORE than just a partner.) Paul tells us here that a man’s wife is part of his own body, his own flesh and blood. What does that mean, and what are the implications for married men?

1 We Are One Flesh.

Many people think that this is merely a reference to the physical act of coming together, the consummation of the marriage, that binds a man and his wife together in loving intimacy. That is so, – in fact it is an argument used by Paul to warn the immoral unfaithful Corinthians about the foolishness of yielding to the temptation from the prostitutes who plied their trade in that depraved town.  1 Corinthians 6:15  But while this this ‘one flesh’ reference does refer to physical intimacy, it is much, much more than that.  Here’s why:-

1. The historical declaration. V31 Note here that Paul does not say that they shall be ‘like one flesh.’ This is not an analogy. It is a physical reality. They really ARE one flesh.
   1. At creation. This goes right back to the story of Adam and Eve, – remember how God created both our first parents. Adam was created by God, from the dust of the earth, Gen 2:7  but Eve was created differently.  God, in his love, decided that Adam needed a helper, someone who was just like him, also made in the image of God, – yet one who would compliment him. Gen 2:18  They were husband and wife and she was flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone. Gen. 2:22-24  So, from that day to this, when a man and a woman pledge their marriage vows to each other, faithfulness and love till death us do part, they are, physically and in the eyes of God, ONE FLESH.
   2. By Jesus. Jesus, who was there, when the world was created, and when Adam and Eve were created, affirmed, confirmed and vindicated what is taught in Genesis.  READ Matthew 19:4-5. 
2. The link to Christ’s body – the church. V30 All of this, as with everything in marriage, in God’s plan for human flourishing and contentment points us to Christ. It’s a mystery – it’s hard for us to grasp, but as there is an organic unity, as we are one with our spouses, so we are one with Christ, both now and forever. 

So, in marriage a man and his wife are in essence ONE FLESH – one single flesh – as husband and wife. They are not two separate people – they are a unit, a single entity, flesh and blood together.  Husband and wife are two halves of a whole, they are two sides of the one coin. How will this teaching affect our lives, practically?

2 The Practical Implications. V28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. 

A proper understanding of this doctrine of marriage will help us to see that marriage is not just about ME – from the moment we say ‘I Do’  – it becomes about US. We are ONE.  And that changes everything:-

1. It will give us a profound and intensely deep love for for the other. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. That’s the antidote to selfishness. I must love my wife as much as I love myself.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself. And:-
2. A man should not neglect his own body. If you noticed something wrong with your body, – an illness or a difficulty, you would go and ask for help, from the appropriate person, perhaps the doctor, or the hospital, or a clinic, or a dentist – whatever. Do not neglect your wife! Remember that you are ONE. 
3. A man should not abuse his own body. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh. You don’t deliberately set out to hurt yourself, do you? (Now, I’m not naive, I know that people do self-harm and that they do commit suicide – after all I’ve buried many people who have done that – but these are people whose balance of mind has become disturbed, not sane rational people.) In general, no-one deliberately decides that today they are going to cause themselves some pain, or some harm. Now, my wife, – your wife, is one flesh with me, with you – and the same thing applies – who hates their own body enough to want to harm it? So a Christian man must never abuse his wife, in his actions, or even in his speech – sometimes words can hurt as much as hands. We must pray that the Lord will help us with this. On the contrary…
4. A man should nourish his own body. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. There’s a lot of emphasis on bodily nourishment and fitness just now.  It’s all about staying healthy and fit, and looking after yourself – even looking after your mental health. Well, look after the other half of you as well. We are to nourish our wives, spiritually and to help them to attain happiness and contentment and fulfilment, and we are to do that pastorally, building them up in the faith and feeding each other on the word of God, – just as Christ spiritually nourishes and loves the church, his body. 

These practical measures, given by Paul here, specifically for husbands, (yet broadly for the benefit of all of us) – particularly given to Christian believers, yet applicable and beneficial for all of mankind, as marriage is intended for all, – helping us to work out the basis of marriage in our own relationships, – the unity of husband and wife in one flesh.

So, Paul has likened our marriages to the relationship between Christ and his bride, for whom he gave his life, and who he is making ready for eternal life with him, paschal and pastoral love.  And now between Christ and his body, the church, – as we are one with him, our head, so we are one flesh with our spouse, and selfishness, and self-centred living is gone, we will love the other, as we love Him, and hopefully, more than we love ourselves.

© Bob McEvoy 2024